few people get through a lifetime without either wishing to start
over or being forced by circumstance into starting over. Often starting
over is just a desire that is never acted upon. Sometimes disaster
or tragedy necessitate it. Sometimes it is seen as a part of life
such as college after high school, or getting a new job. Occasionally,
people just get so disgusted with themselves and/or the people around
them that they decide to change.
people think first of leaving, but is this the best decision? The
question is, What must be changed? Is it the environmental situation
that needs change or is it mainly the person who is unhappy with themself?
are people who can answer affirmatively to either or both of these
questions. Some people need to leave if they want to start over, but
most can start over without leaving. It is often enough to change
successful change must be well thought out and planned. It must be
approached as a dont look back situation because
once it is started things will never be the same again. The change
will be in effect before the first move is made because the decision
changes the person who makes it. To be effective, the decision must
often be acted upon without the support of other people. As long as
the change is meant to affect only the person changing, this is usually
both advisable and inescapable.
Of course, all things are interrelated and any change in you will
also affect those whose lives are closely associated with yours.
This is something to keep in mind when planning a change. As a GENERAL
rule, anything that makes a person better USUALLY has a beneficial
effect on those associated with them.
must often be in effect for quite sometime before other people will
acknowledge it. It is also true that this change in perception is
usually so gradual that it will not be noticed unless the old situation
is consciously compared with the new. Even when other people notice
the change, they will often talk among themselves for quite a while
before they ever acknowledge the change to you.
are people who have put themselves into uncomfortable situations because
of their previous actions. When these people change their ways of
thinking and acting, they often find that other people refuse to accept
or acknowledge these changes. This usually has to do with the problems
of the people who insist on dredging up the past, whatever their reasons.
This is an example of a situation that might be best abandoned. A
change of location and a severing of old associations might be the
best course of action.
is not easy, because even the most uncomfortable situation is familiar
and relatively easily predicted. Severing oneself from even the most
uncomfortable situation can be traumatic. This should not be attempted
unless the person is sure that they are ready to face the unknown,
There is very little advice that can be given to people who start
over from scratch, other than to be ready for anything. Fear is your
greatest enemy. Be willing to be fascinated. Remember that people
have been starting over from the beginning of time and the fact that
you exist is testimony to their success. It is people who face the
unknown who shape the future for those who avoid it.
the problem is that the person is unhappy with themself, then abandoning
responsibility will only aggravate the situation, because this will
contribute to the persons degenerating self esteem. The change
that is needed is to redefine the way the responsibilities are handled
by either accepting neglected obligations or possibly redistributing
excessive ones in a more reasonable fashion. In most cases it is better
for people to change the way that they handle their responsibilities
to something that is compatible with what they think is right. Never
say that things can not get worse, because they can. Always say that
things CAN get better, because they CAN.
you are completely disgusted with your present situation, you may
be ready to start over. If you think you are ready, start by being
honest with your self. Realize that starting over is hard work. Realize
that you must rebuild yourself. Realize that, no matter who or how
many are helping you, you will be doing it alone, using your own vision.
Realize that some people that you know will doubt you and may even
try to stop you. Realize that they will usually (not always) believe
that they are doing the right thing. Realize that this decision affects
the rest of your life and the lives of the people closest to you.
Realize that you can start over and that you will have no one to credit
and/or blame with the result but yourself.
You are always free. You can leave, you can stay. You do not have
to leave, you do not have to stay. The first step to starting over
is realizing that you can make your own judgements and decisions.
The second step is using this freedom. Remember, freedom can be defined
as the ability to choose your limitations. The third step is recognizing,
defining and accepting your responsibilities to yourself and others.
The fourth step is carrying out these responsibilities the way that
you think you should. Doing or not doing things the way that you think
they should be done is often a prime or root motivating reason for
a desire to start over.
is a truism which says that you must be able to help yourself before
you are able to help others. This is a good place to start. Make your
own decisions. When you do this, you will discover, through trial
and error, what constitutes a good decision. This will enable you
to help other people make good decisions. This often means telling
them that they will never be satisfied with any decision but their
will discover that mistakes are inevitable. You will learn that damage
control is often the primary objective of many decisions, and jobs
for that matter. Experience with damage control is often the way to
learn what the correct decision really is (was). You will discover
that mistakes can be, to varying degrees, either the end of the world
or an opportunity to learn, depending on how you decide to look at
depends on learning. People have been starting over since man first
appeared on earth. The difference between triumph and tragedy is often
a difference in attitude.
in mind that death is the only absolute as far as life is concerned.
As long as there is life in your body, there is always the possibility
that your situation can change. The main obligation that you have
in unpleasant situations is to keep trying to improve.
must always face facts, be aware of and willing to acknowledge your
emotions and fears, and know that there are always choices to be made.
No matter how desperate or pleasant the situation, you do have control
over the alternatives that you choose. These decisions affect the
nature of the next decision that you will be faced with.
over is a state of mind. It is the willingness to explore and adopt
new ways of thinking and acting. It is the willingness to mix the
best of the old with the best of the new in the most beneficial combination.
It is a decision to look for these things. It is a decision to try
these things out. It is the decision to keep on trying, to never give
up. It is a decision to constantly re evaluate your own assumptions
and premises and decide if they are still correct and useful. It is
a decision to do what is in your power to influence your own destiny.
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